The start of the new year often awakens longing in people. We desire to bring forward our best selves and think to do that requires a total overhaul- get organised, eat better, go to the gym, get more sleep, improve improve improve.
As a personal development junkie and lifelong learner I fully support working on ourselves and growing. Evolution is part of our life plan. But I find the focus on external changes to be lacking. The changes most of us need to make are internal, shifts to release what holds us back and unraveling the layers that hide who we were before we were told that was not enough.
To become the person you want to be involves meeting yourself where you are while digging deep within to reveal your truest self.
Consume media/materials that get you thinking and reflecting, that build you up. Instead of wearing labels others placed on you or views you inherited while being raised at home, start to look through the lens of your own intuition. What feels right to you? What calls to you? What answers do you get when you go quiet and trust that whatever you think is “right”?
Journal. Have dates with yourself. Try things on for size no matter how far out of your usual comfort zone they lay. Check yourself if you are operating on autopilot. Not everything will change- but if something feels like it does not fit you can opt out.
Work through a values exercise (I take you through the process here) and see what comes up for you as important. Not what you think “should” be important, but what is right for you. There are no right or wrong values, the key is to identify what is critical for you to live with peace and light. When you live within alignment with your values you make choices that support them. It becomes easier to give time to what you need and love because you see what you can let go of to make room.
Let go of patterns and expectations that don’t serve you
As you get to know yourself and your core needs you can start to unravel what is in your life simply by default or other people/society’s expectations. It is never too late to make changes. Sometimes it means running away from something (ie. people in your life who do not have your best interests at heart) and other times it is running towards new things (ie a career shift, new hobby you were afraid to try, a lifestyle choice that calls to you).
Safe to pursue dreams and desires
Often when we are not living with intention, but going through the motions of what is expected of us, it is scary to go after new things. We are waiting for that great permission slip that says “yes, we approve, you may proceed.”
When we know and honour ourselves we can follow what comes from within, head in the direction we feel called. You have to work on trusting yourself as much as, if not more than, you trust others. They view your life and story through their own lens, not seeing things as you do. Sometimes outside input can be a help (when given by someone who genuinely wants you to succeed in life), but often people bring their fears to your life choices. Just because they would not make the choice does not mean it is a wrong choice.
Accept self, embracing imperfections
If you have spent many years (even a lifetime) noticing every flaw you have and feeling you are not enough as you are it is time to start seeing your value and the truth of “perfectly imperfect”. We waste so much energy trying to push toward perfection or giving up on things where we do not immediately excel.
Meet yourself where you are and find the joy in living a life free of self criticism and doubt. Join in with “curvy yoga”, start training for the marathon because you have always dreamed of that moment, retrain for a new career even if you have to work twice as hard as others in the course.
Break down the idea that perfection is even possible. Know that we are all flawed and imperfect- only mass produced objects come close to flawless (and even then we know machines and technology still lead to errors and breakages). There is no one way to look, be, think, feel… we all exist in a fluid world of diversity and evolution.
Are you living true to yourself, in alignment with your core values? How do you work on self acceptance and following your own path?
Love and light