This post is part of the ongoing series “how to love and accept yourself as you are” – you can find all the posts here and catch up any time.
I am average. In so many ways.
It took me a long time to remove the power this word – average- had over me, and stand in my own power and define it for myself and how it would/ could affect me.
I am average in my looks (not ugly nor beautiful, just me). I am average in my size (I am never again going to be skinny like my youth, but my metabolism defies the masses I eat and still keeps me from being very large). I am average in what I need to feel content (a medium size house, a car that comfortably gets me from A to B, time with my family and friends, having my self care and soul needs met).
On and on I could go about how many times I fall right in the middle of the spectrum for traits, needs and desires. In the tale of Goldilocks this is seen as “just right”- finding the sweet spot that works for you.
But all too often words have meaning attached to them that we did not assign. Perhaps you hear “average” and internalise it as less than or lazy or boring or any other negative word. Average simply represents the middle ground, a large number of people, mainstream… And yet so many people strive to be anything BUT average.
And then the pressure starts.
When people internalise a story that average is “less than” and to do/be/live well involves being extraordinary and outside the average middle, you can find yourself battling for something that is not even right for you (as I recently woke up from). It is fear-based, trying to separate yourself for the sake of NOT being something, rather than heart-based in striving towards something that is truly your own on your own terms.
Similar stories develop around words like “success” and “love” and “good”. All of these stories tend to stand in the way of self love.
To love ourselves we need to see that what comes from within us is right (even when others try to tell you it is wrong). It means accepting all facets of yourself and embracing the imperfection, truly understanding that perfect is an illusion. There is nothing wrong with you- as you are right this minute, as you were in the past and of course how you will be tomorrow.
Get to know yourself, see yourself with loving eyes, and be at peace with what you find.
Do not try to fit into a mold created by someone else, a mold not meant for you and that requires you to cut and shape and bend yourself to fit into the space provided.
Stand tall in your self and take the space you need to feel free, to breathe, to feel at ease.
What stories, expectations, and judgements are standing between you and your heart- stopping you from loving and accepting yourself?
Start examining them, questioning them, challenging them to see what YOUR truth is. What fits you, what will help you live and create the life that feels good for you.
What do you need to let go of from the past? Forgive yourself and forgive others, forgive the circumstances that led you to this place, and know that it is in the dirt and difficulty that we are strengthened.
Love yourself unconditionally and let yourself be seen just as you are, unapologetically, flawed and imperfect- just like everyone else.
Trust in yourself and listen to the soft voice that wants to be heard, the one that is looking out for your best interests, rather than the voice (often louder) that is consumed with what “they” think, that wants you to operate from fear and finding fault.
Challenge assumptions and expectations and see what is true FOR YOU. It may be the complete opposite of what I need and want, that is the whole point. No one else should be dictating what is right and wrong, otherwise you lose touch with your own intuition and inner guidance.
You already know so much, you just need to trust in yourself and what you want and need. Then you can begin to see yourself as whole and love yourself as you are.
Love and light,